Monday, December 9, 2013

Thor the Movie

For close to two weeks I have tried to watch Thor. Last night I watched the final 45 minutes and when it was done I realized just how much I disliked the film.

If I had paid in the theater I would have asked for my money back. Thankfully, I was at home. It can't be that bad you say. You are probably right, different strokes for different folks. For me, I did not dig it and here please, let me share my unsolicited reasons of why I pretty much gave this one star on Netflix.

  • The main character himself - Thor. Arrogant little bastard should have been cast out way before the Frost Giant incident. I found no way to care about him. Is it because he is a Norse God? No. He was just meh.
  • The dialogue. By all means watch this with closed captioning and marvel at the boring speeches and the unbelievable use of "Oh." for filler.
  • The Destroyer. Yes it is in the comic. Yes I think some crazy ass metal being created by Odin seems a little off, but hey, I am not Stan Lee and the man is a genius in comic land. Speaking of Odin...
  • There was a serious lack of Odin. One of the more interesting and powerful gods in mythology and he has a massive snooze fest through a majority of the film. Really? Good thing Zeus never phoned it in or Clash of the Titans would have blown. (1981 optimal cheese version Thank you. No one messes with Laurence Olivier and Maggie Smith).
  • Loki. Yes, Tom Hiddleston is fabulous and I love a good villain, but near the end, he was just a whiny brat. Come on, is it that hard to give a villain depth? Please see Anton Chigurh, The Joker, and various other movies and books for assistance if your imagination fails you.
  • Jane Foster. In a typical deus ex machina, we give the brilliant, beautiful, but unable to find love rocket scientist an otherworldly being who "gets her" and can match her in wits and devotion? IN TWO DAYS. What is this, Disney?  
  • Throwing in Stellan Skarsgard to give us an "authentic Scandinavian vibe" and have him be the one to say "Thor was part of stories I heard in my childhood" was so obvious it was wrong. 
  • And in true Marvel fashion, they introduced S.H.I.E.L.D. so when their movie gets made, actually, there is a tv show now, you will know who they are because they were in Thor. Why not put in every other character in the Marvel universe and make it a free for all? Hell, Caulson even mentioned Tony Stark. How subtle.

When I was done, I actually watched an episode of Mike Rowe's Dirty Jobs after to feel better. Dude. Cleaning pigeon poop is beyond foul.


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