Tuesday, December 13, 2011

What's In A Name?

Some names are passed down from generation to generation. Others are chosen out of respect for the dead and to carry on their memory. Then are those chosen simply because of their meaning or because after much searching, the parents found something they really like.
My own name is very unusual and I happen to love it. I also went to grammar Catholic school with many children of various backgrounds, Hispanic, Italian and Black, all who had wonderful ethnic names. No one was made fun of, and this was the seventies and early eighties.
There are names I have loved and would have used on our forthcoming bundle of joy if, and only if, DH's last name was not quite so hard. It is German in origin and not an easy one to match things too. So choosing a name has been quite the task. Once we found it we were happy, but also reluctant to share. Why is this you ask? Because everyone has an opinion on what you name your child. And the most aggressive opinion comes from my in-laws.
Imagine my amazement when they were told the name and then proceeded to tell their lovely son all the things wrong with our choice and why we should not do it. My immediate reaction was true to my nature. "Go F Yourself."
My mother would be so proud.
Where anyone gets off telling you to change a name that you and their son/daughter thought long and hard about is rude, insensitive and disrespectful. If one dislikes the name, why not just say, "Great. We cannot wait to meet him and hope he is happy and healthy." But that is not my in-laws style. They are more concerned about others opinions and how people perceive their lives. Dysfunction is in every family folks. We all have it and experience it, but sometimes we get a glimpse into how others got that way and it is not pretty at all. Their insecurities alone could fill a novel with various plot twists and scenes of martyrdom.
To make the matter more entertaining, my MIL felt the need to voice her concern of the name sounding "too Spanish" or that it will be "mispronounced" and how it "does not go with the last name" and shouldn't we "switch the middle and first names"? She told my hubby that she just"had to tell him and get it off her chest". Really now? Why not just be pleased to have a grandchild on the way? Instead they have insulted me, my spouse and our unborn bouncing bundle of joy.
I was chagrined when I found forum after forum online of mothers to be venting about the exact same situation. In-laws calling kids a name different then the one chosen and even refusing to use the name given. There were stories where relationships became overly strained because the MIL was making the DH bend to her rules still instead of him supporting his spouse. Note to self: This is the type of mother one does NOT want to be. It is simply appalling that people are willing to cause such discord because of a name. These people had their chance to name their children and for some reason think they have the same right with grandchildren. Boggles the mind.
Of course I do not expect an apology and am certain they will continue to try and change our minds. Pity that their instance that they know best and must be right has already tainted their visit when they come. Perhaps that will have to be postponed until they get their crap together then eh?


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