Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Jumbled In My Head

My mind is an odd place to be for various reasons.
Query letters, plot ideas, revamping old stories, thinking of new do I make it stop?
Today I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of a novel a wrote at least two years ago. I had sent a query into Carina Press and they rejected it, which was probably wise on their part. I am certain if I was to open that novel now I would be horrified by the mistakes I must have made.
The funny thing, as I listened to the song I had this urge to get onto my computer, rip open the file and rework the book. First off, it was a true blue romance novel. Unrequited love at its best. Or with my poor structure and writing at its worst. Second, if I was to blaze through it and fix it, would I want that to be the first thing that sells and get pigeonholed? Why is this a dilemma? Why do I care? Because genres are important to fans, publishers and writers. I can't say I would want to write a love story all the time, but if it pays the bills and does well, who am I to complain?
In truth, I would like to write what I want when I want, but there is an internal struggle to have to force myself into a cog in the book world wheel and be happy with it.
As for my current novel, I have given myself a deadline to complete, edit and send it out to agents for consideration. The "bounty hunter" book never got picked up and while I have reworked the query, that one may have to hover and never see the light of day. Which sucks, but perhaps it is better to walk away now and come back to it later.
I could be more disciplined. Getting up at 6:30, writing until noon then do my routine of gym and housework, but life intervenes all the time. Plans happen, shit happens. I know in my heart of hearts all this work will achieve something and the books will get done, but my impatience has gotten the best of me lately. To just be finished and feel that accomplishment. To send out the droves of query letters, get a bite, get signed and have contracts in place would feel marvelous. Alas, I am not alone in wanting that, so the competition is fierce. Especially with so much changing in the world of publishing.
I don't feel discouraged, just discombobulated. I need to get my focus back, let the characters use their voices and sweep myself out of the a rut.
I know I am getting a little disenchanted with my current story when I start to think of the next book, I have already outlined that one, or I think about a much older book and what could make it grand. Yes, I need to reel myself in and buckle down. Every moment of writing has a high point and a very very low one. Then again, this could be worse, I could have no ambition to write a word at all anymore and for me that would be much harder to take.


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