As I edit my book between daily errands and commitments, there are times I want to pull my hair out and run screaming into the night. My writing has improved quite a bit. Amen to that. Though there are passages in the story where I shake my head wondering when _________ (insert bad writer name here) came into my head and screwed me up. Trust me, I know there are parts that are stronger then others. My editor, if and when I get one, may hate me on that. But what is burning my ass for sure is that I get stuck in a certain scene and it overrules anything else I was going to pursue. Yesterday I had to work on a bedroom scene. Nothing too racy or scandalous and for the life of me I could not think of way to describe the main character's feelings or reaction without sounding like a dork. I am not a romance writer, could never be one, some of those folks have mad skills, and I was pissed. I was at a loss on how to make her emotions shine on the page. Her expression of want and need. Just writing it sounds half assed. Even good 'ol Merriam-Webster's thesaurus was no help. What I had written and erased most of the day was so awful it sounded robotic, lifeless, dead in the ground with roses on top. Who said this was easy? Not me, but to lose command of your mother tongue like this is so unnerving I swear I might have to write it in a different language to make the point.
Yes, I could walk away, go back to my Angel of Death story, but this needs completion first. There is an agent out there somewhere who will want this and I can not deny them any longer. (Of course I am nervous and smiling, I have to at least sound confident right?)
There has to be a book where novelists discuss writer's block or stupid block in my case. What the hell did Tennessee William do to alleviate this issue? Or Nora Roberts? What about Harper Lee? I bet she never had it. I bet "To Kill A Mockingbird" flowed like honey. Damn her.
When I open that file later I hope I can just get through the cleaning up and final research. I have conflicting opinions on what happens with a medically induced coma and getting the tube removed from your throat. Can you talk? Should you talk? Do I have an advanced medicine that makes him talk? Is that too Deus ex Machina? Charlie Brown yell here please.
And so later on today I will resume my course of action and pray to all that is Holy that I can get out of this locked down mind of mine. I really do hate when I am at a loss of words to help make the reader feel as if they were there. Hell, I am not even sure I have made them feel like they are there. We will find out. That is if I can get the muse in me to rise and focus.