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Who Am I?

(Frederic Lord Leighton)

So, on such a rainy day I contemplate myself.

What is my destiny? Why can't I get hired for a job, even as a receptionist? Is going back to school the right path? Do I stay medical? Pursue art? Are any of these degrees even worth anything anymore? Should I embrace Stay At Home Wifehood? If so, should I dress like a vintage housewife and enjoy it more? With all the blogs out there on the matter, I am apparently in some pretty good company. Plus I do a lot of research on DIY projects for our house when we move in. Cannot wait to fix bathrooms, but that is another post altogether... What I hate most is the internal beating I give myself for not bringing in any money on a weekly basis.
It feeds the best and worst of us.
With it we feel free and unencumbered. Without it we feel like prisoners and unable to enjoy a myriad of pursuits.
Too much emphasis is placed on it and ruins all we have.
We have a budget in our house. We abide by it. We make the most of what we have, enjoy our lives and maybe, every now and then, regret that we cannot fly to London (this kills me, but luckily I have been) or Greece (this kills my husband, but hopefully in a few years we can go).
Factory workers who did the job for 35 years and then got let go without so much as a handshake feel like I do. Useless, uneducated, lost, angry, puzzled and even relieved. Multiple generations are in the same boat together. Trying to choose new career paths, finding out we really hated who we were or are, being thwarted daily due to the economy and picking ourselves up and starting over. When will companies learn to think differently when it comes to hires?? We all think out of the box, they stay they same with places even asking for typing tests and dictation!! Everyone has become topsy turvy and this brings me to "Who Am I?"
Should I be defined by what I do and what salary I bring home? Sadly, so much of the 1980's has continued into this century and has wreaked havoc with many of us. Jobs should not define us, but they do. Salaried should not make you more agreeable to some, but they do. No wonder so may of us have identity issues. Society is structured as succeed or fail, never as be happy and enjoy. No gray areas, only black and white and one must not be afraid to buck the system.
Perhaps who I am is someone who wants to follow her pursuits as she sees fit and not fear not bringing home $80,000 a year. I am not really sure who I am when it comes to job/career. I enjoy so many things in arts and medicine, but schooling is what it takes and schooling is not cheap at present time. Focusing on one discipline has never been my strong point so I need to figure that out as well. Maybe an apprenticeship is what I need, to help fuel passions I have, give me new skills and see if I really enjoy whatever it may be. The farm experience was an excellent one and extremely educational. I planted 4 Basil plants this weekend in pots. Not a huge feat, but I usually kill the poor plants this way. Currently they look robust and happy. Pesto for everyone!

Here are some goodies that peak my interest and are helping me on my journey:
I am in love with this personal project: My Year 1955
Mother Earth News
Michael's insights are always helpful and assuring: Beyond Paycheck to Paycheck
Once I get my sewing machine out of storage for the new house, I am going to challenge myself to make some of theses dresses: Sense and Sensibility Patterns
Little Homestead in the City
Wish I was an agent to option her love story for a screen play: The Pioneer Woman

There is so much that I read that is informative, enjoyable and funny as hell. I will try and get more up since they deserve an audience. Maybe that is one part of who I am, someone who gets these lovely stories and voices heard.



  1. Loved your thoughts on money-and making it. Funny how it does rule our lives-yet you find the truest joy in the things that are free.


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