Thursday, May 14, 2009

Don't be fresh! Well, just not right now...

This is easier said then done. The frustration of not being able to find work in any NJ hospital has been nerve wracking and scream inducing. You spend a chunk of money getting trained to do a good thing and BAM! you are out of luck. Yes, I have applied to Unit Secretary, admin asst, sweeper of floors and nothing. So, I have resolved myself to eventually filling out volunteer forms once we move. That is right, by the end of the month, I will reach out to local hospitals and other health places and give away my services. Yes, it is very nice to be able to help relieve suffering and know the patient will be less stressed once I give them a gentle massage. No, it is not very nice to keep doing this stuff for free. As fresh and selfish as it sounds, it does bog you down after awhile. Of course hospitals want you to do it for free. They are the worst when it comes to handling cash and getting grants written. You have everyone wanting more for their needs and desires. Whatever possesses someone to want to be a grant writer I am not sure, but you get an "Atta Boy/Girl!" from me for it. Sadists.
I know of other graduates of my program who are doing nothing but volunteer work as well. I have a good mind to call the owner of our school and say, "Umm yeah, I want my money back, NOW!" We all know THAT can never happen, so I will out good vibes out and volunteer more. I do have 2 or 3 private clients, but that does not help pay the bills, we do put it in a savings account though. I guess I should not complain, but everyone says that now like it is a bad thing. "Oh everyone is in a pickle." Yes we are and we have the right to get all crazy about it now and then. We all have the right to scream, yell, cry, pout and kick a foot through the wall during these wretched times of uncertainty. I am not sure about you, but there are days I wonder how the hell most people get through it without being 10 sheets to the wind. I assume faith, hope and pure resilience help. For me, I am going to spend a couple of days at a friends farm and lend a hand. I will learn to use a rototiller and I will talk to the chickens. Chickens are misunderstood, they are great listeners and very loving. Perhaps working with nature and helping plant a bounty is what I need right now. A way to release all this pent up frustration, of feeling useless and chained in. It sucks being a smart gal and having no way to utilize it. Maybe I do have a way, I just do not see it yet. My ego is still bruised from Rutgers, you bastards, and I feel my energy is better spent helping others, but without certain degrees and certificates you get denied. I know we all make our own way, but God does put speed bumps in the road. How I maneuver through is the true test I gather. Luckily I can vent here, I have 2 stories in progress and I will be farming by Monday. Life is good, but that does not mean I will not fresh now and then.
Also, it is the Hubby's birthday and there is no reason to be fresh today, well, not that kind of fresh ;-)

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